Title: Cthulhu Comes to the Vampire Kingdom

Author: Cameron Pierce

Book Length: 172 pages

Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Genre: Fiction, Bizarro Fiction, Horror, Fantasy, Lovecraftian, Vampires

Read Start Date: June 17, 2023

Read Finish Date: June 22, 2023

Brief Summary of the Plot from Goodreads: Franz and Lola are vampires in love. They live in a cottage near the sea with their little vampire baby.

Burn Girl is a lonely girl who walks along the bottom of the sea, constantly on fire. The water doesn’t put her fire out or soothe her burns. It only makes her feel like she’s wearing an itchy wool sweater.

Bruno is the buffest vampire. He is building Muscle Island, a floating fortress comprised of mussels.

The Vampire Science Council has been working for centuries to prevent the depletion of their arctic planet’s blood supply, but the blood has finally run out.

Cyrus Lugosi’s friends want to slaughter him as part of a ritual sacrifice that will raise Cthulhu from his tomb at the bottom of the sea. There are just two The closest thing to the Necronomicon they’ve got is a unicorn coloring book, and Cthulhu is more interested in his quest for the perfect hamburger.

Their fates will converge when Cthulhu Comes to the Vampire Kingdom .

My Review: This is a hard review to write. I got this book from the library, having never heard of it before. What called my attention to it at first was the name Cthulhu in the title. While I have several Lovecraft books on my shelf, I have not yet read them, and was intrigued about the author’s take on this Lovecraftian character.

I was pretty quickly turned off from the moment I started reading. Franz and Lola are a vampire couple, who have a vampire baby. In the first few lines, the baby is dead, Lola has drunk his blood, and the pair have dismembered the baby’s corpse. There was no emotions felt from either parent, and as a parent myself, I was not amused. I know its supposed to “bizarre” or whatever, but it just didn’t sit well with me.

Then they decide to use the baby’s body to summon Cthulhu in hopes of saving their dying planet. The results of the summoning are not what they expected, which leads to even more superfluous scenes of violence (like cutting up dozens of vampires to make one large mega vampire to fight Cthulhu).

There were many such scenes where I wanted to gag.

I am not a person who can put down a book once starting it, so I reluctantly kept reading, but it was slow going.

Stats: As of writing this review (August 8, 2023), this book has a 3.81 rating on Goodreads. My 2 stars therefore falls rather far from the average reader of this book. So, while I will not recommend it, that doesn’t mean it isn’t a good book, or that you might feel differently upon reading it.

Recommended? No.